Day 3, sleep

I’ve always been a person who enjoys her sleep. Sleep has always and ever been an escape for me – away from whatever problems and worries that plague me. This is why, when my children came along, I suffered in a real way from sleep deprivation. My first child did not sleep through the night until she was 7; first I was nursing her, and then she was suffering from night terrors after her tonsils were removed at 5.

I was so happy when everyone started sleeping… then a few years later I found that I could not stay awake during the day to save my life. It turns out I have sleep apnea, and now I use a CPAP. So does my father and one of my brothers.

Now, however, I’m suffering once again from sleep deprivation. My mother will use the intercom to call me down sometimes in the middle of the night. It can be for pain, or insomnia, or a vivid dream. Last night it was a vivid dream at 3:20 AM that left her thinking that she was supposed to be somewhere – and when she realized she was in her own bed, she believed she was too close to the edge of the bed. So she called me through the intercom. I was deep into a dream and had to ask myself if I actually heard the beep of the intercom or if it was part of my dream…

Sometimes I have a hard time persuading myself to go to bed at night, because when mom has insomnia or dad has thrashing episodes, I’ll get a call just as I’m drifting off to sleep, and it’s very hard to get back to sleep when that happens.

I feel for mom when dad keeps her up with thrashing or sleep talking; I feel for dad when mom can’t sleep or has a vivid dream and wakes him up. It’s hard for any of us to function on less than optimal sleep… and I really miss my escape!


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