Random thoughts of a tired person

Mom has been trying to be more upbeat. I can tell she’s trying. She doesn’t put down the aides, or complain very much about them, and I do appreciate that. I feel bad, because I am having a hard time being upbeat myself. She usually cries in the evenings, and I can tell it’s a struggle for her at that time of day.

I told dad that I need a break, some time away from mom, and that he did, too. He won’t admit it, but I know he does. Mom’s memory and comprehension are just high enough that she can follow simple plots, and just low enough to make it difficult to explain what she doesn’t understand. Dad can’t speak well, and gets frustrated trying to do the explaining… so he winds up yelling, she gets her feelings hurt…

I feel like if I could just have some real time to myself, where I knew they were taken care of and I was not on call, I could pull myself up and be the caregiver I want to be. I love my parents.

Geez, I’m a mess. I have clutter everywhere except for my parents’ areas (and even their areas have some boxes and so forth that need storage). There is a physical therapist who will come in and evaluate the living space to give advice on how to make it safer for dad (he falls frequently) but I wonder what they’ll say about my house.

Tomorrow is an early day – mom has water therapy at 9 (!) so we need to GET there by about 8:40 am. This means an 8:15 departure time. Dad will be going also, as he has a physical therapy appointment at 9:45 am in the same building. Getting mom dressed for the pool and then showered and redressed after the pool is exhausting. I’m not looking forward to it, but I’ll get through it. Next week we have another day like tomorrow. The week after, something similar, but no pool. Managing appointments is not my strong suit.

Today, I cleaned my own bathroom shower stall out a little. It is not being used because there is a leak somewhere, and stuff had accumulated in it. I’d been trying to remove the silicone caulking/grout, because I think the leak is in that area; but I’m afraid it may be in the man-made granite floor – a crack perhaps. The shower floor is not terribly attractive at this point in its life, and I wish I could just tell someone to take it out.

This afternoon I visited Sam’s Club, Meijer, and Walmart in 3 hours to do necessary shopping. I still need some things. I’m tired of planning meals. I’m tired of cleaning up. I guess you could say I’m just plain tired.

Good night!


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