Mom is “failing to thrive”, losing weight steadily. I wish I had the energy and capability to care for my mom at home, but I don’t. I have no question in my mind that part of the reason she’s going downhill is because she feels like she’s been abandoned. We know we have not abandoned her, but I know that’s how she feels because she expressed it every time she had to spend time in a facility – starting with when she broke her hip around 7 years ago. The fuss she made! Calling my dad all hours of the day and night (fortunately he couldn’t hear very many of the night time calls!) so my dad took her home before she was ready physically, and she wound up on the floor a couple of times… my brother and his wife (who live nearby) insisted she go back. Oh, she was so mad – she never forgave my sister in law for that (when it was a group conclusion mom still blamed my SIL!)
Today mom had her bath, and it was again an ordeal. I think we’ll talk about bed baths, although she will not like being messed with in bed, either! My aunt, her older sister, will be 89 next month and still lives at home. She needs oxygen and a walker, but her family checks on her as well as her neighbors on a daily basis. Her kids took the car because she was not a safe driver, but her attitude is so much better than my mom’s it’s hard to believe they came from the same family. I guess that’s genetics for you.
Hospice said mom qualifies for their services. It looks like medicare will cover a few more things when you are on hospice than when you aren’t, including, if you can believe it, oxygen. They don’t cover it in the nursing home when you are not on hospice, but when you are dying you are covered. See if that makes sense!! Medicare also covers pain meds and alzheimer’s meds 100%, the rest is whatever you paid before. Hospice provides nurse visits twice a week and whatever aide-type stuff she needs for comfort beyond what the nursing home normally does. They also have volunteers, but I can’t imagine anyone wanting to deal with my mom on a volunteer basis. She has never been a really outgoing person, and is leery of friendly strangers (why do they want to talk to me?). I hate this lingering, dragging, slow misery that mom’s in. Please let me be a happy old person or let me die quickly.