Grief

Just wanted to quickly say that relief and grief go hand-in-hand when the person you love dies a slow death from dementia and then their body fails and they really die.

I wish we could all appreciate each day we have with those we love. Life isn’t quite that simple. There is exhaustion and pain and anger and illness; and all of these things get in the way of giving love and receiving love on a daily basis. So I grieve for the days I lost because those things kept me from fully loving, fully giving and fully receiving love, from my mom and all the other people in my life.

I wonder how long it will be before I stop crying in the middle of driving or while I’m looking at facebook or trying to go to sleep. I wonder how I can help my dad because he must be grieving as well but not showing it. It’s hard to dig out of the hole I’m in right now and offer anything to the world that is of use.

That’s all.